Sabbath

This entry has just won the award, “Most Preachy Blog of the Month”. (In case you are wondering this is not a highly coveted award.) Sabbath means “Day of rest”. We are not people of the Sabbath. We are people of activity, business, distractions and short attentions spans. Without rest, without solitude or silence we fritter away our time on meaningless activities. Maybe that’s what Switchfoot is singing about when they say, “We were meant to live for so much more.” Bob Benson said “The recognitions that ones life is to be lived from the inside out is a milepost on the spiritual journey.” Living inside out… turning inward… resting, listening to those inner voices and the inner Voice… that’s a discipline that many simply don’t pursue intensely enough. Let me give some benefits to being a person who can routinely be quiet and rest: Clarity. We really can’t get away from all the distractions and voices in our mind. We can suppress them and try to keep our self occupied but sooner or later we need to deal with them. So we might as well get into the habit now of sorting them out. Hang on to the constructive thoughts but ‘take captive’ everything else. (that reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw a couple of years ago which said, “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.” I liked it so much so I actually named a 4 week sermon series after it. So, the truth is out: My best stuff comes from bumper stickers. As if you didn’t know that already.) When we learn to slow down like murky water settling in the river our inner lives become clearer. Patience. This whole process is not easy which is why when we have any ‘down time’ we usually flip on the TV or the computer or occupy our self with something. It keeps us distracted. (Ironically after forming what I call the habit of self-distraction we begin to complain that God doesn’t speak to us. Let me be frank: Why should he? Why should the God of the Universe have to compete with “Desperate Housewives”… or Google… or the Diamondbacks… or soccer practice… or whatever?) After a while we realize that God speaks and acts and moves according to His timetable and not ours. Inevitably this leads us to the conclusion that our only general response is to rid ourselves of the habit of self-distraction and learn to wait on Him. Living in contradiction. (Now that might not seem like something God has called us to do. What about the peace, what about the no-anxiety? Yeah, yeah, talk more about that.) Let me explain. The definition of peace is not a life without contradiction or conflict. Rather, it’s the calm right smack in the middle of contradiction. Instead of spending time running away from conflict or contradiction… embrace it and bring Jesus right into the middle of it. That’s the only way we’ll survive and thrive. We want neat and orderly. We long for black and white. We desire everything to be clarified but God never promised those things. He does promise peace in the midst of it though. Out of control. We usually use that phrase in a negative way. It can actually be a very positive thing to learn that I am not in control. Henri Nouwen said, “Our life is not a possession to defend but a gift to give.” I like that. What do we do with possessions? We possess them. We get possessive. We are possessed by them! (Quick someone give us a truth-slap!) I own very little if anything and it’s really not ‘up to me’ to ‘fix’ it. Though I try to control and stay busy I can’t. The truth is busyness and activity is often a byproduct of a misguided sense of importance… as if the world must rely upon me… (read with big booming voice like Plankton’s on Sponge Bob.) “I am the savior!” “I am superman!” “Yeaahhh!” Nope. Flexibility. The scriptures talk of godly people being pliable, flexible, moldable… like the clay in the potter’s hands. When we fail to slow down we lose the ability to be flexible. This is a problem. Think about it - there’s only one thing that can happen to a inflexible person: SNAP! Please listen, in particular if you are a young adult either single or newly married with no children yet… you want to learn what it means to bend and not break. I know many young adults who in this stage of life assume that this is the time to increase the RPM’s and be as productive as possible. So, they become more rigid and driven. Their line of reasoning goes that when the children come then they’ll slow down. If this is you here’s the problem: There is no guarantee that you will know how to slow down. It takes a disciplined person to learn this, remember? Do you think that all of sudden you’re going to become disciplined once you become married and/or have children? When you’ve conditioned yourself for 3 or 5 or 8 years to go, go, go do you think you will instantly be able to pause and spend time with your family? Probably not. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’ll be more productive now in order to have more time then. Build into relationships now. Be less driven or rigid and more flexible now. Learn this now and when the kids do come along you wont have to waste the first five years (or God forbid longer) of their lives to learn how. Clarity, Patience, Being able to live in contradiction, Being out of control and Flexibility… those are five benefits that come to the person, the church, the people who learn to routinely set aside Sabbaths. There are many more. But right now I’ve got to enjoy a little Sabbath. J

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Stress or Distress

When Shay was about four years old he gave me a big hug one day and said, “You’we the gweatest dad in the wowld.” (He couldn’t say his “R’s”) Just an hour or so later I had to punish him for something and as he walked away, under his breath he said, “Now you’we not the gweatest dad in the wowld.” It’s amazing how our affections can change when we’re challenged a bit. (By the way, the truth about my parental skills is somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.) I’ve been reading a lot lately from the book of Matthew… about Jesus, the people he interacted with and especially the religious and political leaders. (Pharisees, Sadducees, Essenes, Herodians, etc…) These different groups sometimes remind me of how my kids have acted from time to time: I’m happy as long as you don’t challenge me. As you get more and more into Matthew 9, 10, 11 and 12 these leaders are starting to feel challenged by Jesus. As such they start to ‘lose their cool’. They are unable to handle the stress that Jesus is putting on their systems of coping. (Pause… Stress in and of itself isn’t bad. It can help you clarify and focus on goals. Too much stress though without dealing with it turns into distress. That is bad. At that point, you start letting go of goals and instead focus on finding immediate relief.) Back to the political/religious leaders in Jesus’ day…Their perspectives were becoming overwhelmed with the radical way of living that Jesus taught and lived. Most of them probably had good intentions. Many of them may have had good goals. But at the point of distress goals and intentions went out the window. They were only focused on finding relief. For them relief was ridding themselves of Jesus. Two things… Number One: We have to learn how to keep stress from turning into distress. How does that happen? Here are four thoughts: A. Confession to God and one another is what the apostle James prescribes. Oh and Jesus said it as well. What would our worship look like if we actually went to someone who we have ‘issues’ with and asked for forgiveness before we sang a song or took communion or listened to the message or anything else we do at church? Seriously! B. Invite wise people into our lives that can support us and give us feedback about our stress levels. Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." C. Sometimes professional counseling is the best option. Some believers have problems with seeing a therapist. Admittedly there can be some conflict of interest because psychology is often about developing self and the gospel is often about denying self. But with the right outlook it can be of tremendous value. My friend, Diana, gave me a quote from John Powell who is a Catholic writer. He says, “The only reason for Christians to go to counseling is so that we can know ourselves, so we can be ourselves, so we can forget ourselves.” That seems to make a lot of sense to me. D. Sometimes the only way to develop the ability to overcome stress is to learn as you go. You ‘take the hit’, bear down and resist allowing disappointment to slide into discouragement, frustration into anger, or fear into panic. (For more on this idea from a business/leader perspective see “Take the Hit: The Breakfast of Champions and Great Leaders” by Mark Goulston from the fast company website http://www.fastcompany.com/resources/leadership/goulston/090106.html) Number Two: We must fight the tendency to automatically reach for the ‘finding immediate relief button' when we are under stress. This ‘immediate relief button’ comes in the form of (big breath) running away, moving out, leaving town, leaving the church, sending the hurtful letter, getting the divorce, ignoring the issue, giving the silent treatment, slamming the phone, escaping, etc, etc… or in general trying to ‘kill’ the thing that is hurting us. (For Shay it was walking away from me and ‘writing me off’ as now not being the best dad in the world.) The painful truth is God’s allowed the stress to be there for a reason… to teach us something, to build character in us, to make us stronger... As C.S. Lewis said, “God is the transcendental interferer.” That’s true but we know this interference is there not to get us to throw out our goals and intentions and proper way of handling things. This interference is not there so we can panic and hit the 'immediate relief button'. It’s there because God tests those He loves. Got a problem? Good. God loves you! Suffering under something? Good. You’re blessed! (This sounds counter intuitive? Good! Join the crowd. Re-read Matthew 5.) My boy tried to ‘write me off’… the religious/political leaders tried to ‘write Jesus off’… They couldn’t handle the stress and it turned to distress. How about you? Are you trying to do that to someone or something in your life? Are you trying to hit that ‘immediate relief button’ regardless of what it does to others? Take a step back for a moment. Take a breath. Don’t just react. When you’re 'challenged' extend grace even as Christ extended grace to you. That’s a huge part of what maturity is all about… not running away but standing up to the stress and dealing with it. Epilogue Regarding finding ‘immediate relief’… Of course there are seasons in life when a change is necessary. Obviously if you are in an abusive relationship you should remove yourself immediately. I would never encourage you to ‘stick it out’ under the pretense that God is trying to teach you something or build character. But also there may be times when abuse is not even a part of the equation and you might need a change. Change in and of itself is not bad at all. I think the scriptures teach that God is always doing something new. The key is making sure we’re not changing just to avoid challenges, stress or tension. Hope that makes sense. (If not see point C under “Number One”!)

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Prayer and Spending Time with my Family

Last Sunday while talking about my children and wife I said publicly that “I’ve been praying less for them but spending more time with them and because of that my relationship has never been better.” Let me clarify that a bit…

I’m not suggesting that prayer is bad. On the contrary, it’s the fuel for our lives. As I have often said, “Little prayer – little power. Much prayer – much power.” What I meant was that for me sometimes I get so wrapped up in this whole ‘pastor’ thing that I try too much to act like one. Which means I try to be super-spiritual… do a whole bunch of things… pray and fast a lot... and stay real busy… I’ve noticed that when I do that I tend to spend less time with my family. On a subconscious level I guess I’m thinking that because I’m praying more that it will make up the difference. I’ve never once articulated it that way. But if I step back and objectively look at what is going on I realize that this is kinda how I end up operating. I don’t think that’s the healthiest way to live.

The scriptures do tell us to “pray without ceasing”. But of course that doesn’t mean we close our eyes and bow our heads all day long. That wouldn’t be very productive. Prayer is a dialogue… it’s talking and listening… Sometimes God talks to us through His Word, sometimes through nature, or through an impression from our culture or any number of ways. Often He chooses to use others to ‘speak’ to us. That’s my point here. If we aren’t giving attention to others, especially those that God has entrusted to us (for me, primarily my wife and children) then we may very well be missing God’s voice.

I’ve been having this ‘mountain top experience’ while reading a book by Brennan Manning called “the Importance of Being Foolish”. In this case I don’t necessarily mean ‘mountain top experience’ to be good. I mean it more as the sensation you get while hiking up a very tall mountain and the oxygen gets lower and lower. It’s difficult to breathe. If you slow down and take your time it’s beautiful but it’s not easy. That’s the kind of thing going on with me as I read this book. Manning is obviously on a much deeper plane than I am on. One of the things he talks about is “the agnosticism of inattention” which is “The lack of personal discipline to overcome media bombardment, sterile conversation and utilitarian relationships.” In this state our self-awareness grows dim and the presence of a loving God fades into the distance. When I act all ‘pastoral’ I don’t give proper attention to the people and ‘places’ that God has put in my life. (by ‘places’ I mean seasons of life, current situations I am going through, difficult times, or even good times, etc…) And then I don’t hear from God like I should because He uses these people and ‘places’ to speak to me. Then the presecence of a loving God begans to fade in the distance for me. When that happens my life gets disoriented quickly.

So, in the end I simply want to be a man who puts his trust in God and loves his family (and others that God has entrusted to me). As the Mercy Me song goes on their latest album… “Let me introduce myself to you. This is who I am. No more, no less. I am just a man who understands because of You I am blessed. No more, no less.”

peace, j

Mattel Classic Football

Our boy, Shay, turned 10 this past week. He had a ‘cash’ birthday which means you don’t give him gifts you give him cold hard cash. He’s been saving up for a Nintendo DS. It’s a hand-held little game system and it’s pretty cool I guess. But it doesn’t compare to the Mattel Classic Football game though from the 70’s. I’ll never forget the feeling I had while at church just dying to get home so I could play it. Who can forget the graphics? Little, tiny dashes going across a 3-inch black and white screen!? That’s awesome! And the sound… Bleeep, Bleeep! Truly amazing. That game was all about the thumbs. If you had quick thumbs then you were going to be a master. Games now make you use all your fingers (and toes too if you could.) There are so many buttons that’s its just over the top. Not the Classic Football. It was pure. It was simple. It was all thumbs. My brother and I played that game so much that we could actually do it with our eyes closed because we had memorized all the little moves the game would do. Which is pretty funny when you think about it… you buy the game but then you don’t even have to look at it to play. (I used to be able to have look at people and have conversations with them while playing the stupid game! Those must have been really interesting conversations.) I’m not saying the games they have now days are bad or anything but c’mon, really, they can’t ‘hold a candle’ to the real deal like Mattel Classic Football… or Mattel Classic Basketball… did you ever play that one?! I remember…

Tooth Extractions

Well, I think I’m hovering around 28 or 29 teeth now. For a couple of years I’ve been running from the verdict that the dentists have been giving me. (That’s right, I’ve seen more than one dentist.) They’ve been telling me that I need to have wisdom teeth removed. I was reluctant. You can probably imagine why. Cutting into my jawbone is not tops on my list of things I enjoy. Then my back left molars starting giving me problems. So I did what most intelligent men do when you are having teeth problems… I waited. Now some might say that I should have taken care of these problems earlier. (Seems like my wife might have said something along those lines one time or another…) But I waited and waited because I had a plan. The plan involved waiting until those molars get bad along with the wisdom teeth and then all four teeth could be removed at once. You see I’ve always been kind of an overachiever. Two wasn’t good enough for me. It needed to be double. So, this week I made a trip to the oral surgeon. OK, you're going to think that I’m exaggerating here. (In my business we call it ‘pastorally speaking’) But I’m not. While I’m in “The Chair” here are a few of the comments that my oral surgeon made in his slightly middle-eastern accented English... And I quote, 1.“Wow. This is amazing.” 2. “Hey," calling one of his assistants, "you’ve got to see this.” 3. “Oh my.” 4. This one in more whispered tones to his assistant, “Can you believe this?” 5. This one with a hint of laughter or joy almost at the opportunity he has of working on me. You know kinda like when normal people are witness to a great historic moment… 7th game of world series… man on the moon… things like that…“You are a great patient because this is some of the hardest bone I’ve ever cut into!” 6. “On a scale from 0 – 10 difficulty, this is a 15!” 7. “Oh boy you’re going to be sore for a long time.” 8. “Amazing!” 9. “Wow, look at the roots on this one going all different directions!” And then an assortment of half sentences and words like, “My…” “I’ve got to cut deeper…” “You are not letting go of this are you…” And then lots of teeth clucking and clicking and oohing and ahing. As this is all going on I’m thinking no way am I not in the middle of an SNL skit. Or no way is this not being taped for something somewhere… You know, some kind of web tv show or something… This is crazy. In fact I almost started laughing at him a couple of different times. And I would have except I was fearful of choking on a hemostatic clamp or something. And speaking of the tools that are in your mouth… Is there anything more fun than having the suction tube grab onto the little thingy that hangs in the back of your throat? The thought did occur to me as he was yanking my head around that there should probably be some kind of chart for oral surgeons to reference. The chart could identify the kinds of things that the doctor SHOULD NOT say while working on a patient. (It would most likely include everything my surgeon said.) The chart could be up on the wall like an eye test chart or maybe laid out on the patient’s chest for easy access or maybe we could print it on the inside of the welder’s mask that the surgeon wears. In addition the chart could also include code phrases to be used when things weren’t exactly going ‘textbook’. For example when a tooth is not coming out as easily as it should instead of the surgeon saying, “Wow, I’ve never seen anything like this!” He or she could say, “This is coming along nicely.” It could kinda be like an opposite thing… my kids do that from time to time… they will say, “Whatever I answer you with is the opposite of what it should be.” It’s a fun game they play. I should hook my five year old up with this oral surgeon. I think he could teach him a thing or two! All in all it was a fun time. Now I’m home with my two favorite new friends: Drugs and Ice. So, take it from me when it comes time to have your teeth worked on if you wait long enough there will be more teeth to work on. (or maybe you should just brush better) jf

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Some Poetry

Thaw
The mud on my shoes
Tells me its the time of year
For flowers to choose
Whether they will reappear

And for the first time in a long season
I forget reasons to remember
Why i freeze with regret
jf

Where Black Rocks Sing
where black rocks sing and waters play
light hides in dancing caves
trees perform to wind's delight
smile escapes without a fight

sun just laughs and steals away
with the moon and in their place
dark appears to sit close by
whispering plans, sharing the night

wind quiets down
without a breath
light gives up
the trees all rest

the beginning and the end are free
to stop and kiss where black rocks sing
jf

Pest
It's clear you need to move on
Your song's done and no one
Wants you around so be gone

I'm not afraid of you
You're more of an annoyance
I try avoidance
But that doesn't work so be gone

Take a hint
Before I dent you upside the brain
Tryin' to knock some sense
Through intentional pain

That's it
Take cover
Time's up
Fly swatter
(Whack!) Good bye
I warned you stupid fly
jf