5 Rules for Guys at the Gym

OK, I've put this off long enough. If you're a male and you plan to exercise you need help. You need rules. I've conveniently listed them for you here. For the sake of all the rest of us who have to work out with you in our local gym please do not violate what follows.

1) You can't wear tights. (At least not without shorts over them) I know they call them "action leggings" or "compression pants". Whatever. They're tights. You don't look good in them. If you think you look good in them you have deeper needs that exercising cannot meet.

2) You don't go to the gym to make friends. You go to work out. I don't need to talk to you.

3) Seriously, never, never stare at your muscles while you're working out. It means you're going to dislocate a neck muscle or something. More importantly it means you look like an idiot.

4) You get one semi-audible grunt every 15 minutes. No yelling, screaming and/or dramatic audible noises.

5 ) Do NOT wear matching, color-coordinated work out clothes. Women can get away with this but guys... please... stop. Matching your headband to your tights (see #1) to your shoes to your shorts not only looks ridiculous it reflects poorly on the entire male gender.

There. Got that off my chest.