|Did you hear about the guy recently… I think it was here in Phoenix… who went on a “singles” site and met someone? He asked her out only to find out that she was his mom! Yeah, you really gotta’ do your homework on this stuff. |
Well, I’m finding so many people going in and out of relationships that I thought I might blog a little about it. While the angle is on dating I think most of these thoughts have principles that can be applied to any and all relationships. As always I’m not an expert in this area… but I did stay at a Holiday Inn recently…
Pursue Emotional Health
Healthy dating stems from healthy persons. Matt 6 tells us to seek first God’s kingdom and everything else will be added to us. The most important thing you can do is be healthy yourself before connecting with others. So, don’t worry about who or when or how you are going to meet someone. God will take care of that. Now, that doesn’t mean to do nothing though. You still must live your life and put yourself in positions to meet people and enjoy yourself. But hopefully in a ‘healthy’ way. Here’s one way of defining health in relationships: Serving. If you’re dating in order to find someone to serve the rest of your life then you’re on to something. If you’re dating just to find someone ‘hot’ or that makes you ‘feel’ good then you also on to something… a wrong something… Think about it… When we are healthy enough to want to serve then our relationships will be healthy which means in the end we will be served and taken care of as well. (Hey, don’t get mad at me. I didn’t invent this stuff I’m just relaying the kinds of things that Jesus taught two thousand years ago.)
Get Relationship Needs Met Outside of Dating
Relationships are tricky, in part, because we have so many expectations about how the other person is going to fulfill our needs. In the book, God Will Make a Way, Henry Cloud and John Townsend say it well when they say there is an old adage, “Never go grocery shopping while you are hungry.” It’s true for dating as well: Don’t date to ‘get a life’ rather date to ‘share your life’. If you already feel loved you will not be clingy and needy.
Lloyd Ogilvie puts it another way, “We try to live so that he will love us rather than living because he has already loved us.” Think about that for a moment… its really profound… Living because we’re already loved, in general, happens when we get our approval from God and not from others. As AW Tozer said, “You’re perception of God is the most important thing about you.” Gaining a proper perspective of God… of one who is a loving father, of one who accepts you unconditionally, who is receptive to you, who is gracious and compassionate… will be the single biggest factor in getting your relationship needs met outside of dating.
I’ll throw some more out next time.