Saturday, April 21, 2007

Relationships/Dating II

In healthy relationships/dating I previously mentioned the importance of 1)Pursuing emotional health and 2)Getting Relationship needs met outside of dating. It was so much fun, lets keep going…

Take responsibility for your tendencies
Look for patterns or habits that consistently cause you trouble in relationships and be willing to ‘own’ them. People who ‘own’ their problems are people who consistently have higher levels of self esteem. Not to be overly simplistic but... higher self esteem people view themselves as empowered. Lower self esteem people view themselves as victims. When you're empowered you take responisibility. When you're a victim you don't take responsibility.

As happens periodically, our church received a phone call from someone recently looking for some financial help. The man on the other end of the phone told me he had been fired, his wife had left him, he was months behind on his rent and while we were talking C.P.S. was there investigating him. He told me he needed money and help fast. I told him about our process and how it doesn’t just happen over night. It often takes 7-10 days before we can do much of anything on a financial level. Immediately, he told me I was full of... well, ‘something’ and hung up on me. I thought to myself, hmmm, here’s a guy who needs to look for some patterns in his life. It seems like he may not be owning up to his tendencies!

That might be an extreme example but the questions beg to be asked for all of us…
· Are you able to take responsibility for your own shortcomings?
· Why are you attracted to certain types of people?
· What ‘draws’ you in?
· What mistakes, patterns or tendencies have you made in the past?
· What would those who know you the closest say about your dating habits or relationship habits?

Discern and then avoid self-destructive habits. If you won’t, do you really think you’ll work on them later...? Do you really think that someone else will be able to fix them for you...? The time is now and the responsibility is yours.

Be healthy!

J


2 comments:

jtc said...

>>The time is now and the responsibility is yours.

Man what an awesome way to end this entry and it got me thinking about a quote I read in 'searching for God knows what' that goes something like ... "reality is like fine wine, it will not appeal to children"

So here's to confronting brutal facts about out lives ... which to me is like brussel sprouts in that they may not taste good but they sure are good for you.

yum.

jonathan foster said...

yeah, i like that. but have you ever had fine wine and brussel sprouts together...?