Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts

Monday, October 20, 2008

Graphite vs Ink


If you were Graphite would you ever get upset? People are always taking you for granted, using you then erasing you, using you again. When you finally produce something worthwhile, then what happens? Ink comes along and traces over you to make it “stand out” more. Or worse yet, you’re thrown away and Ink takes all the credit by making a whole new document based on your original idea. Most people don’t realize that Ink takes all the glory but you do all the work or as Henry Petroski says, “Ink is the cosmetic ideas wear in public. Graphite is truth.”

Sure the pen (filled with Ink) is mightier than the sword but where would it be without you? I’ll tell you where… flagrantly filling in textured nooks and crannies, one arrogant false start blotted out by another. Remember when they tried to make Ink erasable? Who had that stupid idea? Erasing ink was like trying to get a 40-year-old-man to move out of his parent’s house … awkward and more than a little embarrassing. I’ve seen evictions by the Sheriff go cleaner than trying to erase Ink. Don’t call on Ink to Graphite’s job.

Ink parades itself as a medium of communication. But there’s no give and take, no flexibility, there’s no reasoning with Ink. It’s not communication. It’s a monologue. The truth is Graphite’s dialogue takes more character. Anyone can have the last word. All you have to do is yell loud enough and then slam the door.

So, if you were graphite you might get upset at times. Many people want to extol the virtues of Ink while quickly forgetting your own. Just remember that Ink has its place but Graphite has its places…

And there are very few things in life that need to be stained indelibly in black.

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Monday, May 26, 2008

"Everybody Thinks" is a useless phrase

The most common useless phrases all start with something like, "everyone thinks..." or "i know a lot of people who say..." or "a bunch of people are..."

In the church, or in the office, or the school, or within the political party, or or any other place you can imagine both physical and virtual these phrases are completely unhelpful and often toxic.

I can almost guarantee you that the person(s) using these phrases is wrong. They haven't taken the time to get a lot of feedback or specific input. They haven't asked important questions. They often don't even care about logic. They're being driven by emotion, responding to their small circle of friends and trying to sound knowledgeable by making absolute statements.

Don't fall for it. Don't lead or manage that way. Help your people move past the fear of what "everyone thinks" and get to the heart of the issue.

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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Good Conflict, Bad Conflict

As churchofthecustomer.com blogs about, Communication is good but hearing incorrect communication is not always easy to deal with. Depending on your perspective though, conflict is not all bad.

I think there are two general types of conflict: Moral and Immoral.

Immoral = Deceit, lies, ½ truths, manipulations, Self-centeredness, Pride, Superiority, Anger, Envy, Coveting, Resentment, Bitterness, etc…

Moral = Misunderstanding, Miscommunication, Lack of communication
Lack of experience, False assumption, Jumping to conclusions, Lack of info, Different moral goals, Different expectations, Immaturity, etc…

The question is, what kind of conflict are you experiencing? Welcome conflict that is moral or ‘good’. This kind of conflict presents an opportunity to grow, learn and be a better person. But be very cautious to continue with one you are experiencing immoral or ‘bad’ conflict with. Run away! Run Away! (Which in classic digression reminds me of the old holiness classic, The Holy Grail).

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Selling Fear

A rant for a moment on negativity that runs through our society. Just a small observation… here in Phoenix where it rains very little, of course, we’ve had something like 2 or 3 inches all year. If you were to watch the news (I did once a couple of weeks ago) you would learn how concerned we should be over the lack of rain. Never mind that we live in a desert and the reason it’s called a desert is because periodically we don’t get enough rain. Recently we got a couple inches of rain over the weekend. If you were to watch the news (which I didn’t but I know this happened) you would learn that you should be concerned about how much rain we got… roads washed away, cars stuck, floods, etc… Doesn’t anyone else notice this? This use of fear to constantly assault us? Why do they do it? Because it sells.

Fear is an easier sell than hope.

• Modern Medicine? Essentially focused on fighting disease instead of building health.
• Clinical Psychology? Focused on pathologies instead of optimism. (Dr Dan Baker in his book, What Happy People Know, written in 2003 cites that at recent count, “there have been 54,040 professional articles written on depression and 415 on happiness.”)
• How bout marketing and advertising? Do they not prey upon your fears of not having enough, not being good enough, sexy enough, smart enough, etc…?

What about the educational system, economy, religion...? Hmmmm...

The world is selling fear. Are you buying?

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

Bank Fraud and Negativity



Someone, somewhere got a hold of my debit card number and had an early Christmas this past week. We discovered the anomalies a couple of days ago underneath the ‘pending’ section of our bank account. The bank couldn’t actually do anything until the transaction’s posted even though the account was officially closed. So, each morning this week I’ve awakened, gone to the computer in order to check to see how much money I lost the night before. After three days it totaled $948.62. It was downer.

Ever had a week where the first minutes every day were spent finding out what bad thing happened while you were sleeping? Some of you probably have even though it may have nothing to do with bank fraud. There are people that I’ve known who are convinced that something bad happened or is getting ready to happen just about every morning. It’s not a positive way of living. Now there are times when the reality is such (like in my case this week) when you know something did happen but most of the time it’s defeating to spend your life that way. I guarantee you that if you try to find bad… you will. Don’t be that kind of person. A guy named Paul said a long time ago, “Look for the best not the worst. The beautiful not the ugly. Things to praise, not things to curse.” Positive people apply that kind of scriptural thinking to their life.

Research shows that positive people have the same amount of problems as negative people. (did you get that?) Their problems aren’t any different but their response is. I heard Dr Henry Cloud speak this week and he said this, “Pessimistic people usually respond to problems in three ways: A. They personalize it (“Oh, I’m such a loser!”) B. They make it pervasive (“I’m a loser in all areas of my life.”) and C. They make it permanent. (“I’ll never be anything but a loser.”)” Positive people, on the hand, respond to problems in an opposite fashion.

Do you go looking for problems?
How do you respond to problems?
Are you positive or pessimistic?
Can you count the number of times I’ve used words that start with the letter ‘p’ in this blog?

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Relationships/Dating III

In healthy relationships/dating I previously mentioned the importance of 1)Pursuing emotional health, 2)Getting Relationship needs met outside of dating and 3)Taking responsibility for your tendencies. Here are a couple more...

Conflict is not all bad
There are two general types of conflict: Moral and Immoral.

Immoral = Deceit, lies, ½ truths, manipulations, Self-centeredness, Pride, Superiority, Anger, Envy, Coveting, Resentment, Bitterness, etc…

Moral = Misunderstanding, Miscommunication, Lack of communication
Lack of experience, False assumption, Jumping to conclusions, Lack of info, Different moral goals, Different expectations, Immaturity, etc…

The question is, what kind of conflict are you experiencing? Welcome conflict that is moral or ‘good’. This kind of conflict presents an opportunity to grow, learn and be a better person. But be very cautious to continue with one you are experiencing immoral or ‘bad’ conflict with.

Be authentic
Be who you are at the very beginning of a new relationship. Communicate. Express from the first date. You don’t need to be overly ‘nice’ about how or what you feel. Dr's Henry Cloud and John Townsend in God Will Make a Way remind us, “If you are not yourself, the person you are with may begin to like someone they think is you..." also... "If they have a tendency to be controlling, if they know right upfront that you have opinions they might realize that 'controlling' you will not work." Of course you don’t want to come on too strong either but the point is – don’t fear what the other person thinks about you. Check out Proverbs 29:25(NLT) - Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but to trust the LORD means safety.

Be Healthy!

J

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Branding Christianity

The outside is something of European glory
With steeples, bells and angels holy
The inside is old and barely swept
With years of tear and miles of debt
(this is a poem i wrote a few years ago. maybe it fits for the subject of this blog)


Well, I know I’m not the only one but I am completely and totally frustrated with yet another story involving a minister/quasi-political figure caught in a scandal. My frustration is not so much with Ted Haggard himself* as it is with the whole ‘system’ we currently find ourselves in. (i.e. the media, politics, preachers, etc…). I’ll just get straight to the point: I don’t like the idea that by virtue of me being a Christian I am generally lumped in with the current ‘branding’ of Christianity that is so often portrayed. This really isn’t an attempt to speak from any position of authority or to point fingers in judgment. It is an attempt to give voice to the concerns that I have and that I know many new believers have about this situation. Oh boy, buckle up… four things at least… The key players in this ‘brand’ often appear to be more concerned with:

A. Conforming to external standards rather than living an authentic life. Put another way this group is failing to “walk the talk.” And it’s embarrassing! When we value authenticity we say, “Hey, I’m messed up without Jesus as well. I don’t have all the answers either. And because of those things I’m not going to pretend that I’m better than I am… or better than you are.”

B. Legislating morality rather than pursuing inward purity. In many cases now Christians are perceived to be people who spend their time imposing rules, laws and belief structures on others. Look, legislation is not inherently bad and I hope we have good laws but c’mon, the world will not know we are Jesus-followers because of the great laws we impose. They will know we are Jesus-followers because of our love. Didn’t Jesus talk more about the internal than the external? Wasn’t that a major point of contention between himself and the religious leaders of his day? One more question: What if we took all that time, money and energy that went into passing new laws, boycotting new products and issuing statements and put it into striking up honest, humble dialogues with our neighbors? There are no amounts of laws that we can pass that will make us more moral.

C. Power rather than serving. Why do we continually fall into the trap of thinking that power comes from the rich, those in the media, those who are ‘connected’ with the politically ‘in’ crowd, etc…? To try and answer my own question a bit, I think in part we do this to influence our society. That’s the good news. The bad news is that it continually comes off as being like Jimmy Terp. (Jimmy Terp was in my grade school for several years and was a pretty nice kid except he was so smart he had to win every argument. He even tried to tell me that he knew more about snakes than I did when we were in the 2nd grade! Can you believe the audacity of the guy?) That’s what the current brand of Christianity looks like to the world – the kid who is so arrogant that he thinks he knows all the answers. And worse, he won’t stop until he wins at any costs. This is called, “winning the battle but losing the war.” When will we remember that those who are “last are first”, that “unless something dies it cannot come to life” and that it’s okay to lose an argument? (When’s the last time you heard any preacher/politician admit to that?) Yes, it’s counter-intuitive and it feels like we are being hammered to death at times but Christianity is an anvil that has worn out many hammers!

D. Belief rather than passion. Oh, boy, I feel strongly about this one. Christianity is weakened when it is defined only by its doctrines, statements and bylaws. The first believers were called “people of the way” not “people of the set of beliefs” or “people who believe this and that but not that or that”... It was “people of the way”. Put simply the way of Jesus is a better life. Please don’t misquote me here – beliefs are important and they serve a purpose. Without beliefs we’d be lost but the new brand of Christianity frequently gets ‘the cart in front of the horse’. (The old stumbled at this point also as any look at the history books will tell you.) When belief structures receive supreme billing eventually walls get built up. I think it’s safe to say that the average media-watcher around the globe is now under the perception that Christianity is about ‘wall building’. Rob Bell, author of Velvet Elvis, says it better than anyone when he asks, “What do we do with walls…? We defend them.” He goes on to say that a better perspective may be of a trampoline. Because what do we do with trampolines? We jump and we invite others to jump on with us. Jumping on trampolines is scary and fun. You never quite know how or when you are going to land. It’s much more difficult than building walls. As believers the great majority of our time shouldn’t be going toward defining and defending who we are… a great majority of our time should be saying, “Hey, come on and jump with me. Let’s learn together.”

In summary, if you are reading this blog and you are not a Christian… you’re probably smart enough to know this already but don’t get caught up in the current branding going on in the media… If you want some direction, purpose or freedom… or if you just want to dialogue… find someone who subscribes to some of the aforementioned points, who is humble, who is willing to admit that a relationship with Jesus is the focus and not a religion about Him.

peace,
j

*Officially, and unofficially for that matter, I will say that I am deeply saddened for the Rev Haggard and for his wife, family and church. It’s amazing how someone in so much of a public spotlight could take such a fall but the truth is between the lust for power and the deceptiveness of sin nothing really shocks me anymore.



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Thursday, August 31, 2006

The Value of Words

Words, words, words... They're everywhere. There are so many of them! And their numbers are growing. In fact, according to the English Oxford Dictionary there are currently well over a half million words in our language. Up from about 50,000 total words in the 1600s. (Making new words is a big business!) As the number of words go up the value of each individual word appears to go down. Less and less people pay attention to all this verbosity. Why? Because the more words we use the harder it is to communicate. Seems backwards doesn't it?

Think about politics for a moment... Imagine the conversation that you often see and hear between politicians? How would you characterize it? Most likely you would say they use a lot of words! Words that are politically correct, influenced by special interest groups and full of rhetoric. After a while most people tend turn it off or look the other way.

Think about marketing… Look at how many words are turned down, turned away from, or flat out ignored every day in advertising. For example: I live in a development called ‘wildcat ridge’. There are no wildcats. (At least there haven’t been any in a while.) And there is no ridge. The development’s name is used for marketing... to make the area sound more exotic… to entice those who are looking for a home. (Apparently a bunch of families moving into North Phoenix find it appealing to raise their young children around mountain lions?) After a while most people realize that the development’s name means very little.

Think about how we talk… For example: Our society uses the word 'love' often. I even do it. I might say, “I love playing football.” And that’s true but not like I love being with my kids. Or I might say... “I love chalupas from Taco Bell.” Yeah, I love chalupas, but not in the same way I love my wife. (And the truth is I really don’t love chalupas I just love saying the word… try it...) No doubt after time we diminish meaning as we misuse the word 'love' so often. (Barbara Brown Taylor wrote a book entitled, "When God is Silent", that has some of the best thinking about ‘words’ that I’ve read. It’s not a long book. I would highly recommend it.)

One last example… look at how many words it took me to get to this paragraph which is really at the heart of what I want to say! (418 up until now if you haven’t been counting)

Often our words matter very little. The way we live our life does matter. A common temptation among those who call themselves Christians is to hide behind words. We hide behind them because it’s easier to do that than to figure out what they mean and really live them. Or as one of my favorite quotes along these lines goes… “There is ambiguity between terminology considered as words about the faith and words as faith incarnate in living men. Our task is to bridge this gap, preserving both creed and meaning. It challenges us to clothe mere words with life.” Mildred Bangs Wynkoop.

”Clothe mere words with life…” think about it… that’s what God did when He created this world. He spoke and life was created. That’s what Jesus did when He walked this earth. He was the Living Word. His words were valuable yes, but it was His life backing up those words… living in congruence with those words… that changed all of history.

So, what should I do with words? Two things God is teaching me. 1) Use them less. This really smart guy in the Book of Proverbs says, “Where words are many sin is not absent.” 2) Most important I think... make sure my words match my life.

J



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