The Unlit Way

Going Higher
How high can you go on a 10,000 foot mountain? (not a trick question) What if you want to go to 12,000 feet? How would you get there? If you are at the peak of one mountain but want to go higher, you only have one option: descend. Descend back down the mountainside, back through the tree line, climbing over boulders and logs, down into the forest to find a path somewhere, anywhere that leads to the higher peak.

Ascending means descending.
Constructing means deconstructing.
Getting to new light means going through an unlit way.

Theossynthesis
Somewhere along Jr High School, I took a Biology class and learned about photosynthesis. Its the term used to describe how plants exchange sunlight for energy. If photosynthesis describes how plants transform then maybe we could coin a new word, theossynthesis, to convey how our inner lives transform. As sunlight changes plants, so Sonlight changes us. But if the Spirit leads us to a higher peak, the only option is to forsake full exposure to the light and descend into the shadows. Trudging, hiking and laboring, for long distances we forge down looking for light, often finding only shadows. Some journey for years before ever ascending again. Yet, its the only way to get to the light. Its the only way to a higher peak.

Picture an obscure fern fighting to grow beneath the canopy of towering pines. Every inch of growth you see on that plant, deep in the forest represents an amazing resilience and tenacity. Photosynthesis is a life and death struggle at the lower elevation. Theossynthesis is as well. In the midst of this shadowy journey, I've found that every minuscule transformation is a fitful struggle. Some days light doesn't come at all. So... I go deeper. Learning and growing when light is available but also learning to adapt when it isn't. Occasionally it feels as though transformation is more about going down into the soil of myself, finding traces of God-light previously deposited, than it does to reach up, beyond myself to find it. Sometimes when the light is inaccessible for long periods of time, in humility all I can do is physically lower my head to whisper a prayer or recite a psalm to myself. Why to myself? Because in the silence of the veiled canyon I'm not even sure God is listening.

The Unlit Way
The longer I hike, the darker and more difficult the unlit way becomes. Yet, too much ground has been covered to turn back. If God only gives direction intermittently then that's what it will be. Yes, I'd like to scale a peak with Him. But, He'd like me to trudge in the shadows a little longer. I'd love to join God in a bold action. But apparently He wants me to join Him in suffering. I don't enjoy this but because I trust God, I'll embrace it.

I'll embrace...
Letting go of everything known to gain what is not yet known.
Leaving one mountain peak in order to scale something higher.
Walking deeper in the darkness to get closer to the light.

Resurrecting Hope in Transition

Uncertain, unpredictable, volatile, inconsistent... these and many other unstable-oriented adjectives (UOA's) are occupying a good portion of our society's thinking these days. We are in an age of transition. Transition is OK... for everyone else. Tolstoy said, "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." When UOA's call for me I'd rather not pick up the phone. They're messy and usually call collect. Yes, I've had lots of experience with change. Jobs, deaths, fires, relationships, and parenting have all brought opportunity for immense transition. One would assume that by now I would be able to navigate these waters with a great outlook. Not necessarily.

I had a conversation with our 14-year old daughter recently. She knows our family is almost certainly facing some kind of dramatic change in the near future. She went out of her way to assure me that whatever the changes were, she was committed to being positive. I was so grateful to hear her unsolicited encouragement. I looked at her for a moment and thanked God for her.

And then I asked God to protect her.

Because hope can do something for her but it can also do something to her.

Don't get me wrong. I want her to hope. It's what we're told to do. "Be joyful in hope". I know it's good. But I've lived long enough to know that anything good can cast a shadow. In the case of hope, the shadow is called vulnerability. The truth is, hope opens me up to potential disappointment in a way that not hoping doesn't. Hope is a down the road, future-oriented investment and like any good human I'd rather have the immediate payoff of anxiety.*

Still, her resolve helped me. The 14-year old is positive. I will be as well. And you can be too. Wrestling with transition has helped me come up with three action points for you...
1-Be still. Be in the moment. You cannot fast-forward and you can't afford to go in reverse. The only thing left is to be where you are, right now. Something internal must happen before the season changes and internal things can't be rushed... nor the seasons.

2-Hold on to what you know is true. (Which is what the pastor from Mtn Valley reminded me last weekend.) There are many UOA's out there that may or may not happen. Focusing on them only makes life overwhelming. Simplify. Focus on what you know to be true and then let all the other things come or go as they need.

3-Accept responsibility of being joyful in hope. Not choosing to hope is giving into fear and blame. Sometimes the only person you blame is yourself. It feels tough but it's really not. When you blame yourself it reinforces fear. Then you end up convincing yourself that you cannot do this, you cannot change. Well, that's not an option so accept the responsibility.

*June Issue of The Atlantic - George Vaillant - provides interesting study on happiness and hope.

Commander's Intent

In the opening pages of “Made to Stick", authors Chip and Dan Heath talk about the way the Army adapted its planning process in the 1980’s and invented what they call, “Commander’s Intent” or CI.

CI is a crisp, plain-talk statement that appears at the top of every order, clarifying the desired end-state of operations. The CI never specifies so much detail that it risks being rendered obsolete by unpredictable events. The army believes that with a clear CI, you could lose the ability to execute the original plan, but still never lose the responsibility of executing the intent.

I’m often surprised with God’s apparent reticence to give detailed plans. In fact, usually I don’t even receive detailed sentences. I’ve learned with God you have to be listening.  Although you wouldn’t know that based on much of my prayer life. Forgetting that the burden is actually on me to wait and not on Him I plead for God to listen to me!  He responds.  Sometimes.  What follows is usually a short, controlled response… “Go”, “Wait”, “Pray”, etc…  He doesn’t seem to be too worried about the details.  Although one could argue he used to be.   Take a look at Leviticus or Numbers… yeah, lots of details. But things didn’t go quite right with the detailed plan. God, desiring mercy over sacrifice (Psalm 40:6, Micah 6) and faith over rules (Galatians 3) switched things up. In a jaw-dropping adaptation of the plan He chose to clothe Himself in humanity. Trading in the predictability of heaven for the unpredictability of earth He was tempted just like us! These intense temptations, these dark emotions… this exposure to the volatility of the human condition forged what I would now like to call the Commander’s Intent according to Jesus, “Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself" which is good to know because unforeseen obstacles breakdown plans in life just as they do in the battlefield.

-I have a sister going through a complete job change at mid-life. Unexpected.
-I have a sister-in-grace going through the loss of her father. Unforeseen.
-I spoke with a friend recently who was broken hearted about some decisions their pastor had made. Not in the plan.
-Oh, and I know of pastor who is struggling because of decisions made by a few of his parishioners. Unpredicted.
-And then there's me. Yeah, I've got issues! I was unaware of them as well. Believe me, they weren't in my plan.

This is a reminder that all these problems, the unplanned scenarios, these situations where we feel as though we are squinting through a fog, ... they aren't the intent. The plans might be derailed, but above all else the CI remains: Love God and love others.

Forgiving the Jerk, Being the Jerk

The Angry Swede is a classic example of our response when we've been wronged. The Jerk (not the author but the title of the post) advocates lowering our standards, assumptions and self-absorbed thinking.

There's some truth there but I think we're in trouble if the only way to deal with being wronged is to lower our standards... everyone would keep lowering them until there weren't any real expectations left!

Somehow God forgives me without lowering His standards. I'm not always sure how He does that... that's why He's God and I'm not... but He does. He doesn't blindly overlook my indescretions. He absorbs them, pays for them, forgets them and then challenges me to do better.

Broken Relationships

I had a friend ask me about a relationship that didn't work out. They wanted to know why and if God was punishing them. Here's the essence of my reply. If you know someone that could benefit from this email it on...

a) The most simple explanation is it's possible God is sparing you from a relationship that is not in your best interest. For that you should be thankful.

b) A more complicated explanation is it's possible that this relationship just didn't "work out" because God allows us all to make choices, have personalities and make decisions that influence how our lives are lived. That's a great freedom and a great responsibility. Sometimes because of those decisions relationships just don't materialize like we had hoped.

c) Whatever the reason the relationship failed, your job now is to not live in the past or to be a victim. Learn and move on. Be stronger for it.

d) Finally I would say that I know for sure God is not punishing you. That's not how He operates. Yes, life is painful sometimes but there is a difference between the pain from a surgery and a pain from a mugging. Both have guys with knives and masks asking your for money.

One is meant for your harm.

The other is meant for your good.

The Will to Believe

Pilot said, “What is truth?” You can almost hear him scoffing or maybe squirming… Jesus just stood there. He didn’t respond with a book, a website, or a campaign slogan.

He stood there.

Pilot was looking for answers, for resolution, for a response. And Jesus stood there in the way of truth and in the way of truth. Think about the two different ways… Depending on how it’s used “in the way” could mean a barrier, something blocking progress or “in the way” could mean in the flow, the right way to go.

Jesus stood there in the way.

Pilot didn’t get it. Maybe he was pressured for time. Maybe he was someone that just couldn’t see it. Maybe he wasn’t used to looking real hard for something. Maybe most everything was handed to him and this time it wasn’t handed to him. What he needed to do was stop, pray, think, listen and accept responsibility for his choice. But he didn’t.

Maybe you don’t get it either and like Pilot you’re frustrated. Listen, I have watched a lot of people struggle with their belief system. I have listened to many offer excuses. I’ve known people who always needed one more answer or some specific response or one more piece of evidence. Maybe you’re one of those people. Sorry to be so blunt but here’s my reaction…

No one walks away from Jesus because they can’t make the mental ascent. Good grief. Who can? No one can understand it.
Some say they can’t believe in Jesus because they need more evidence. Who doesn’t want more evidence? We all do.
I don’t believe people turn their backs on Jesus because they can’t reconcile science and the Bible. Yeah, even believers struggle with how to interpret the Bible sometimes.
People don’t walk away because of the church. Guess what? All of us at one time or another have wanted to walk away because of the church!
It’s not because of Christians although, again, trust me, I’ve been tempted
It’s not because of education, or politics, or race or pain in the world or anything else. You might think so but I don’t buy it.

People walk away from Jesus because they simply refuse to believe.

It’s a matter of the will. That thing deep inside of you that says either, “Yeah I want to believe in Him. I need to have someone else in control of my life.” Or “I could believe in Him but I will not.” You see, there’s a difference between saying, “I can believe in Jesus.” (which means you may or may not) And “I will believe in Jesus.” (which means you will).

So, I’d say stop, pray, think, listen and accept responsibility for your choice and then decide if you will or will not. Don’t blame it on something else.

It always comes down to the will.

Looking for God

Looking for God, I’m like the guy in The Matrix staring at the screen trying to make sense of the all the green numbers. I stare and I stare. Seems like I miss Him a lot.

Thomas Merton said, “If you find God easily, maybe you haven’t found God.”

The Father of Illegitimate Adversity

I was reading about pain and adversity by Austin C. Bonds recently and I guess I've been thinking about difficult times. Sometimes adversity is just adversity... a byproduct of being clothed in flesh. At other times adversity breaks down on me like the monster-waves I'm so fascinated to watch on the discovery channel. Though we seem to live in more sophisticated and subtle times (I speak here only relatively as our culture careens toward hedonism) the Evil One still fathers all kinds of adversity in our lives. Hold that thought for a moment...

So, I read Probverbs 17:17b(NIV) this morning. Ready? "A brother is born out of adversity." Have you ever found someone in the midst of adversity that became your friend, your advocate, confidant, supporter, champion... or brother? Like me, I know you have. Think about your most difficult times.... I bet you can come up with at least one person who "stepped up" to become someone you could trust. That's because though the Evil One fathers adversity in your life, it's illegitimate adversity. There is someone greater who fathers what I'll call legitimate adversity.

The difference?

One, illegitimate adversity, is meant to tempt you and break you.
The other, legitimate adversity, is meant to test you and refine you.
(And I might add, in many cases, bring you a brother)

So, hang on. Any great authentic relationship will go through some adversity. The relationship you're in with Jesus (or want to be in) will include some as well. But adversity's very presence means that something good can happen.

Check out this excerpt from Robinson Jeffers' poem, "The Bloody Sire" and substitute the word, "adversity" for "violence". Or don't. It's semi-genius either way.

Who would remember Helen's face
Lacking the terrible halo of spears?
Who formed Christ but Herod and Caesar,
The cruel and bloody victories of Caesar?
Violence has been the sire of all the world's values